Kisses to the Moon
by LisaDouglas
Summary: Emily has a miscarriage. One shot.


Howard Borden felt like he'd just about dropped right out of the sky…it was

just too bad he'd said this out loud and over the plane's announcement system.

Apparently, it makes people really nervous when navigators say that. There'd been

an emergency and he, being one of Emily's two emergency contacts, had been told

while still in mid-flight: Emily had just found out she was going to have a baby…and

she'd lost it, all in one afternoon.

He knew they wanted a child. Bob had once explained his opinion of their

child-bearing schedule like this: that they wanted a baby and hoped one would

come, but they didn't want it enough to go out and adopt one just because they

couldn't seem to have one of their own…and now they had, but suddenly

didn't…Howard was worried. He'd knew that was the way Bob felt, but that it wasn't

really all that simple for Emily. He knew that for her, not being able to have a baby

was one thing…she'd learned to live with that reality. But loosing one was

something else altogether.

…..

"Emily, honey it's going to be okay, I promise." Bob soothed. He'd been,

holding his sobbing wife for hours, ever since he'd picked her up at the hospital that

afternoon, after she'd collapsed at work.

He held her tightly, trying to quiet her sobs and wondered if her perhaps it

would've been better for him to have said nothing at all but to just hold her. He

hadn't even began to access how he was feeling about all this….he was still shocked

that she'd been pregnant at all.

"Oh Bob." She said through her sobbing. Emily wasn't just shedding tears, but

sobbing uncontrollably. "Bob, look at, at these little…"

"Emily you don't need to right now…" He tried to grab the shoes out of her

hands but she defiantly snatched them away from his grasp. She wanted to keep

them close.

"No! I want to." She said. "Look at these little booties: they're so tiny…I was

going to bring them to your office…" she sniffled. "And surprise you with a baby." She began crying again as she lye her head on his collarbone. Knowing she

was safely in his grasp she allowed herself to just sob, not particularly caring about

the effects it might have on her.

"Oh Bob…a baby, we're really, I mean we'd finally…"

"Emily I know sweetheart, you're going to be okay. It's okay." He said, kissing

her forehead softly, trying his best to comfort her. "Honey you've got to stop crying,

you're going to make yourself sick."

Stopping her sobbing was his first goal, getting her to eat something to regain

her strength after the miscarriage was his second: and he wasn't sure he'd ever get

there.

"I don't care what happens to me: I lost our baby, don't I deserve to get sick?"

Bob sighed, he could tell she felt really guilty, in addition to devastated and he was

worried about that. It was neither rational or healthy. "Bob it's just one little baby,"

she continued, "how come I couldn't keep her safe inside me, what's wrong with me

that I couldn't…I must be such a bad Mother that…"

"Emily, it's not your fault. It doesn't work that way. You didn't do anything.

The baby we lost today had a purpose and is at peace….you realize what this means,

don't you?" He didn't think she did. But he did.

She shook her head no as he took her hands.

"It means you can get pregnant at all…remember we weren't sure if…"

"Yeah, that's true." She said as he dried her tears. She almost laughed. "You're

right…that means I can get pregnant…and you can get me that way…."

"Emily?"

"Hum?" She asked.

"We're going to try again."

"Huh?"

"We're going to try for another one just as soon as you heal."

"Oh Bob…I don't know if I…"

"Yes you do honey." He said, using his own attitude to try to convince her. He

hugged her tightly and she sighed. "You're fine."

"I feel so guilty about this one…."

"You don't need to. He's okay and we'll have another one." He realized, after

saying it, that that was incredibly insensitive and not quite what he had intended to

say. He hoped it didn't start her sobbing again.

"But Bob I don't want another one. I want the one who was safely inside me

last night when we went to sleep."

"I know Emily and I'm so, so sorry." He said, looking deep into her eyes.

"And what if the same thing happens with the next one?"

She didn't want to say this, or even suggest it, but she had to ask. She'd been

thinking about anything she could've done in the past day that may have caused her

to loose this baby and nothing came to mind. Maybe it was just her. Perhaps she was

just finding out that she was bad at getting pregnant…in a whole new way that was

both physically painful and even more emotionally devastating than just not getting

pregnant at all.

"Well, we'll ask the doctor that question. But we should try again."

"I'd like to try again." She admitted.

She didn't really want to. She didn't want to go through loosing another one

and she had a feeling that that would happen. Nothing would ever make up for the

one she'd lost. Emily went to bed that night and told herself that while she'd never

met the baby she'd parted with so soon, she'd always hold him or her in high

esteem.

….

Emily smiled as she lit the candles on the dining room table. She bit her lip as she looked down at the dinner she'd made and at the way that nightfall had helped her along, turning their apartment into a quiet, romantic little space just for the two of them. She was proud of herself: it was going to be a special night.

"Hi Emily." Bob said, coming into the apartment. He hung up his coat and looked up at her, questioning her motivation for a candlelit dinner.

She smiled, holding her arms open for him.

"Hi Bob." She was thrilled to see him and gave him a kiss.

"Hi sweetie…I'm guessing you had a good day."

"A good day! That's, that's one way to put it."

Bob was happy. Emily'd been so depressed for weeks and then she'd been almost indifferent to everything…and now she was happy and back to being kind of her normal self. He wondered what had brought that on.

"Well what happened?" He had to ask.

"Bob." She giggled.

"What is it?" He was clueless.

"We finally did it!"

"Did what?"

"Bob we're getting a second chance isn't that wonderful?" She asked enthusiastically and kissed his cheek before going back to the table. She'd decided to be elusive, and act as if he absolutely had to know what she was speaking of.

"A baby!" He burst, he was completely surprised.

"A baby." She smiled.

"Emily that's, that's great!"

"The best. I can't believe it. And I feel rotten isn't it wonderful!" She giggled, she was even happy for morning sickness a little bit.

"It, it's the best." He laughed, sitting down across from her at the table. "See. I told you that it would all work out." He took her hand.

"Hey guys, what's going on?!" Howard asked, walking into the apartment casually, as he usually did.

He didn't take note that the lights were dimmed and that his friends were enjoying a candlelit dinner alone as a couple. Instead, he sat down at the table and tucked a napkin into his collar.

"I'm starving, what are we having?" He asked eagerly.

"Howard." Bob cleared his throat.

"Howard I'm pregnant again!"

"Really!" He burst. "That's great news!"

"It is, and now Emily, you can finally have someone to stick in those little shoes that met so much to you a few months ago."

"Oh no."

Emily smiled, shaking her head and getting up to look at the shoes. She and Bob had kept them on the living room bookshelf as a gentle reminder both of what they'd lost and what they were trying to attain. It was like the shoes represented respect for the loss of one child and hope for the birth of another.

"No?" Bob was confused.

"Well you see Bob. I bought these the first time around so, these are first baby's shoes…they belong to him."

"Ah." Bob understood…he thought that sounded sweet, but a little crazy. To Emily, it made perfect sense and that was the way she wanted it. She was going to keep the tiny shoes of a memento of her first baby, so that he'd have a place in their home and not just her heart.

"Hey Bob. Are you going to eat all that roast beef?" Howard asked, as Bob froze as he was about to put the food on his plate.

Bob was fed up with Howard. First he'd intruded on their romantic dinner, and on the moment where his wife and told them she was pregnant. And now he wanted his dinner….it was just too much. Frankly, Bob was surprised that Howard hadn't walked in on them in some more sensitive moments in the past because he walked in on everything else. It was a wonder he'd never seen Bob in the shower or Emily changing her blouse…or worse. Bob decided to take issue with Howard over this and the two men began to bicker quietly about Howard's constant presence, or rather, Bob did, but Howard didn't get it and instead of fighting back, asked his friend to pass the salt.

Emily, who wanted to avoid all forms of stress while pregnant, went outside, carrying the shoes along with her. She smiled, looking up at the clear night's sky. It was big and bright and the expanse of it blanketed the city in an intensely brilliant display of stars. Emily looked down at the tiny baby booties in her hands…they were for a newborn. They would never be worn by anyone. Not even by the baby she carried now, who would, by the way, grow up to be a perfect little girl and not die in her mother's womb. Instead, Emily would always keep the shoes in a place of reverence for her first baby.

"Oh my love, I promise I'll always keep your little shoes." Emily said, blowing a kiss up to the moon. Bowing her head, she turned around and went back inside, holding the shoes close to her heart.


End file.
